Synyster Grimm - A Dedicated Study

Hi there, friends. Here at SG we often just post content with a few qualifying tags. Frankly, the material speaks for itself and usually needs very little adding to it in order to make it worthy. However, every so often SG posts something that is so astoundingly ridiculous and long-winded that I like to take the time to analyse exactly what is going on.
What follows is a transcript of a conversation SG had with another person, presumably on some kind of shitty Metal dating site. You know, like somewhere people sign up to meet others who have atrocious music taste. My notes are in brackets.

okay so this guy messages me on tagged saying "will you be my black veil bride?" to which i reply "i hate that band."
well the rest will follow.

(This is surely going to be a meeting of great minds. Like Newton and Hawking.)

Him: yeh me too lol was just a metal punchline , prefer disturbed domin and bullet for my valentine myself

SG: lol... wouldnt call them metal. talking to omeone who was raised round metal. Seen disturbed live. good band. not into the other two

(Ugh. So straight away you're in with the smugness. "Raised around Metal" - As if it's some kind of trade that families pass down through the generations. Talking as if your definition of a subjective thing is factually
correct. How needlessly defensive.)

Him: well iam a guitarist so i know who plays well and who like a few metal bands like fuckin ramstein who play on gimmics. lookin fwd to iron maiden at download mind

SG: bye

(Now we find out that he's just as entitled and opinionated about music as her. Surely a match made in Heaven, but the obtusely placed "bye" from SG indicates that she's not interested...)

Him: and allthough i hate the bvbs .just been sent there new concept album as a freebie and the guitarists jake and jinx are world class

SG: sadly fuckers like u who think they know music clearly dont

(...And there we have the confirmation. Where the fuck did that come from? Such aggression. Such pretension from a woman who is having to sell 40 inch waist jeans because they are too small for her. And as if SG knows fucking anything about music. This is someone who legitimately posted a Bryan Adams song the other week. God forbid you just look past your needless bullshit musical opinions and just allow yourself to become friends with someone, even though their awful music taste may be slightly different to your awful music taste. Fuck me.)

Him: let me guess...u think slipknot and manson write good stuff lol

(Just leave it out, pal. You're flogging a dead horse. A dead, fat Goth horse.)

SG: sadly huni they get paid for fat fucks like you who think there bein different by being into metal .whats the matter bikini didnt fit the ibiza scene lol

(What? You use your taste in music as a core part of your identity on a daily basis. Who are you to call someone out for being superficial like that, when that is what you do constantly? Such blatant hypocrisy. And as for your witty parting riposte. Well done. You're so hilarious I could just die.)

The rest of the transcript is in the comments below the post. Watch SG, master of psychology and expert of all Metal ruthlessly pick this poor sap apart:

SG: then he blocks me! hahaha

(Well what do you expect? You were very rude to someone you don't even know. He had his fair share of douchebaggery, but you clearly were the one who escalated things. Damn right he blocked you. If you're that confrontational over the internet to someone you've never met before, then how are you in person? This is why you have no friends. This is why you don't have a boyfriend. This is why you don't have a job.)

SG: oh dear i found my other log in information for my other profile. he just got a gobfull.  insult me physically, fine (im used to it.)...but dont ever insult my music knowledge!!!

(What musical knowledge? Horrendous Metal bands from Scandinavia interspersed with the odd random pop tune? I can't think of any other style of music, you're right, you've covered the lot. Insult you physically? Maybe he did that because you did it first?)

Enabling Male Acquaintance: "I'm a guitarist so I know who plays well", not exactly an objective statement. I'm an engineer, but I know sod all about building a nuclear power station...

(Oh, do fuck off. Don't you see that agreeing with this deplorable conduct is validating her bullshit? How can you support someone being such a nasty, arrogant bitch? If you're her friend, you'll tell her she's out of line.)

SG: ive deleted the profile now. seems everyones a knob on there these days.

(Including you, presumably?)

EMA: No excuse at all, I don't care what his motives were, I was taking the mick out of him. Even after 40 years, I still have to step back and marvel at how the world keeps turning considering how many assholes there are out there! Look at it this way, its one less Christmas card you gotta buy...

(Motives? This isn't a murder, Enabling Male Friend. This is your friend being a bitch, displaying it for all the world to see and you allowing it to happen. One less Christmas card? This is SG, remember how she's A PAGAN AND THEREFORE I DON'T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS PLEASE DO NOT WISH ME A HAPPY CHRISTMAS I AM SO UNIQUE AND INTERESTING.)

SG: hesobviously not been on the scene long. most alternative men i know of his age just leave it be. and at 37 he acted more like a stroppy 17 year old. i even stated i was raised round metal. which should be a clue that i do know about bands that have been around for more than 10 years. Dad still listens to metal and so does mum. Also the rammstein insult did make me go "mmmmmmm" for a second. most bands have a gimmic, he would know that if he hadnt been around for more than 5 mins. im laughing about it now. i find it a bit pathetic that a guy of his age went off like that,

(BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO "KICKED OFF." You're the one who turned hostile, you're the one who escalated it. You're the immature one. How can you even begin to call someone a decade older than you immature? The guy you were talking to isn't immature, just a little bit dim. On the other hand - You're fucking crazy. You know just because your parents listen to a certain kind of music and you've been "raised around" it, [Again, talking as if you come from a proud line of cattle farmers or some shit] doesn't mean you hold any subjective knowledge about it. Most bands do not have a gimmick. Most of the bands you listen to do, because you listen to cheesy awful crap that needs that shit tacked on to sell records to morons like you.
And what "scene" is this? The Tuesday night Goth night that draws 30 people that you never go to? KILLER SCENE BRO.)

EMA: Damn right. people find it weird that my musical tastes spread over about 60 years, most think its great, a few think you should be totally committed to one narrow genre, they're usually very young in the head and don't have too many friends. He was on about Iron Maiden, so Eddy isn't a gimmick? It IS funny!

(I don't like you, Enabling Male Acquaintance. Are you trying to get SG to suck your dick or something? No one finds it weird that your music taste spans 60 years. It's such an average, normal thing. No one has ever found that weird. So you say "Hey, I like Buddy Holly," and people go, "OH MY GOD THAT'S WEIRD YOU MUST BE SO UNLIKE THE REST OF MANKIND AND THEREFORE FASCINATING AND SUPERIOR" Do they? Do they fuck.)

SG: my music ranges from 50/60s music to rock to metal. i even like native american indian chant music. very young in the head and doesnt know the scene at all. hes pobably used to having lases fall at his knees because he uses the black veil brides line on the new scene lasses. problem is im not new scene. seen it and heard it all already. they are the type of lad who thinks a lass gets into metal because of a lad. they dont think lasses like me are for real or even exist...then are shocked when they meet one thats knows more about it then them. silly people. yup eddie is a gimmic thats for sure. its all just laughable in the long run. its obvious i could run rings around him.

(This is incredible. You don't like Native American Indian Chant Music. No one like Native American Indian Chant Music. I bet you own one CD of it, and put it on when people come over to prove how interesting and unique you are. This "scene" stuff is ridiculous, I think it's astounding that you go on about people being immature and acting all high and mighty, yet still maintaining the illusion of a Metal "scene" well into your late 20's. You must be so mature and intelligent, "running rings" as you do around men who are a decade older than you and just tried to talk to you.)

...So that's it for the first Dedicated Study. A shocking glimpse into the life of our rotund Goth starlet. I hope you all enjoyed it. I KNOW I DID.

Peace out x